geekdaughter and geekson - June 2010
Recently babies have obviously been on the geekdaughter’s mind. A couple of times she’s said to me “I wish we had another baby Mummy. I really love my brother, but I wish we had another baby too”. My answer to her is always the same “Mummy won’t be having any more babies. Mummy thinks our family of four is the perfect size”. Then we have a big cuddle, and we do something else…
I’m being completely honest with her. I really do feel like my family is complete. For me the decision to have one child was a decision made by my heart, the decision to have a second, to willingly put ourselves back through those horrendous early months again, was very much a head decision. Being an only child myself, I grew up desperately wanting siblings (in fact my imaginary friend was always a younger brother), so I knew if I ever ended up having kids of my own, I’d want more than one. It took me a long time to be ready to be a Mum, and I still don’t consider myself particularly maternal. But I must say, with my two gorgeous children in my life, both the head and the heart are now completely contented.
I appreciate this is a very personal decision. Some parents are completely happy with one child, some want a whole brood. I have friends who know their families are complete, whatever size they are, I have friends who still feel like there’s a little hole in the family. I know this isn’t always a straightforward decision for everyone, but it is for me.
The geekdaddy and I have both felt that our family is complete since the geekson was born, almost two years ago. We’ve been in agreement as to how we’re going to make sure that we don’t have any new additions to our family for almost that long, and our solution is for the geekdaddy to have a little operation. Before you worry, yes I have checked that he’s OK with me talking about it here.
It seems ironic doesn’t it? A couple who struggled to conceive, who went through years of fertility treatment ending up with IVF in order to have children now talking about contraception. Several people have looked at me with raised eyes when I have mentioned that the geekdaddy is going to have this little operation and said “is that really necessary?!”. Maybe not, but I’d rather be safe. Everyone has a little urban legend about the couple who struggled for kids first time around who then found themselves with a happy accident a few years later. And I don’t want to be that couple. So we’re playing safe.
Next Tuesday is the day. It’s a small enough operation that it’s done in our local doctor’s clinic – we don’t even have to go to hospital for it. I’ve got the day off work to drive him there and back. I think he’s apprehensive, but resigned to the whole thing. He’s just got one rule – we’re not allowed to mention the “V” word. He’s referring to the whole experience as his “spa day” – it’s even in our calendar as that!
So I can say with completely certainty to the geekdaughter that there won’t be any more babies in the house. She’ll have to play with her dolls if she wants any more…
We’re one of those urban legend couples 🙂 We can’t have any more children now so I never really let myself think about whether our family is complete – just in case the answer is no.
That’s a more difficult situation isn’t it, when the choice is taken away from you?
Oh crumbs, it’s this Tuesday already is it? I feel for GeekDaddy and look forward to hearing all about his experiences on the next JustRelax.
Is that a not-very-subtle hint, Simon? 🙂
My husband had the snip when Joseph was 7 months old. We do not feel done, and I’m one of those wandering around with a gap in my heart and my family, but enough is enough. Nearly died last time and no guarantee it won’t happen again, so we’re not going for round two and I am ok with that.
It is ironic that after all you have been through, you now have to take this step, but it does happen so many times that people who thought they were infertile “get caught”.
I hope it went ok for him! Hubby had several large beers after his!
I’ll get some beers in for the geekdaddy then 🙂
I think this can all be a lot harder when the choice is taken away from you – not something I have personal experience of, but being a bit of a control freak I can see how that would upset people. Sounds like you’ve had to make a risk versus reward decision, rather than a choice about family size.
Now when the nurse says it’s only a little prick, I think she means the needle used for the injection….
Very funny…
I would say it sounds like it is time to consider getting a puppy, except I don’t think that would be fair to your cats.
Well, we’re down to just the one cat now, sadly 🙁 But I wouldn’t chance a puppy anywhere near him!
One of M’s old co-workers still managed a “happy accident” it even after hubby had been snipped! The doctor in question redid it for free, but for a while she was very angry and convinced that he had lied about his “Spa day”. (Love the euphemism BTW, might have to use it myself when we get around to it… which would have already happened, but then we learned that it would actually be cheaper to pay cash than run it through the health insurance!)
I believe the geekdaddy can go back after a certain amount of time to test that it’s worked…
Gosh, hadn’t even considered that you’d have to pay for a “spa day” over there – thank heavens for the NHS!
Good luck John, happy Spa Day 🙂 As you know, we’re one of those families who had IVF then a “happy accident” in the shape of daughter No.3 🙂 If anyone would had have asked me if my family was “done” after the twins I would have said yes, so having a “bonus” was a shock which took a while to warm to. After the upheaval of a new baby in the house we spoke about how we could prevent another “bonus”. We both felt we were “done” and decided that Chris should have his own Spa Day 🙂 I can say with certainty that neither of us have ever regretted the decision. xxx
Thanks for commenting Jow. I remember you sitting me down when you discovered you were pregnant with your third and telling me to learn from your lesson – you’ll be pleased (and amazed no doubt!) to find out that I really have done 🙂
Glad it all worked out well for you, I’m confident it’ll be the same for the geekdaddy and me.
You are lucky to feel that your family is complete. Mine isn’t (I don’t feel it is) but I know it is all I’m getting. However I hope geekdaddy is recovering nicely!
Ruth, this was a great post…just popping back to comment now! We, too, are done. I like to think that it’s best not to be outnumbered as a parent! Plus Mark and I are both “older” so it’s time to be done. We thought we were pretty happy with just Ella but we knew it would be wonderful for her to have a sibling and we’ve been blessed with Sam. Good luck to John on his “spa day”…Mark is very reluctant to have a “spa day”…we’ll need a report on how it goes for John! 😉 Thanks for sharing a great post!
🙂 Karin
Hope Geekdaddy is doing well, what a great post My family is full too. After twins (and two older kids from a previous relationship) the thought of another baby horrifies me. I’m probably the only woman on earth calling the menopause to come quick so I can get on and relax.
Having one broken relationship I’m not sure I’d ask Paul to have a spa day Just In Case but that’s me being paranoid 😉
At the moment I feel our family isn’t complete. Trouble is I want what you have, one girl and one boy, which as you know isn’t something you have choice over. I’m fairly sure you didn’t look over the sperm and go “sorry, lads only this time round!” otherwise I’d be doing that myself!
My way of thinking is if my second id a boy I’d consider a third and if that is a boy then I’ll just settle with that I’m clearly meant to be a mother of boys only.
I did umm and awwh about another but in the end my head and heart said one.